Thus It Begins

This is an interesting time in my life, which is part of the reason I think it's a good time to start blogging.  There is a lot up in the air, a lot of potential for drastic change.  I'm 17 years old.  I'm a junior in high school.  At this point I can either keep myself on track academically or totally tank without a ton of effort.  Most people don't really worry about that too much, you know what kind of student you are in general.  I have no idea.

I have in a sense become erratic and unpredictable.  I was a straight-a student for many years, and last semester I failed a class.

I used to be very introverted and shy but generally content.  Now I would be described as very outgoing and friendly and I recently tried to kill myself

I have no idea what the hell is going on.

And now starts second semester of junior year.  Technically the most important semester, seeing as you take all those standardized tests, start looking at colleges, stabilize your GPA (more or less).  Theres a fair amount of pressure if you're college-bound, and at my school there's something wrong if you aren't.

I guess I don't have a problem with that.  But how on earth am I supposed to what what I will want to do in a year and a half if I don't know what I am liable to do tomorrow?

I do too much, but have no motivation to do anything.  I never seek out things to fill time, I'd rather do nothing.  Yet I am student directing the school's musical which opens in a week, I am the training director for our radio station, I recently emceed the Battle of the Bands, and I've actually found time in between for homework.

Weird.

Basically, I have absolutely no idea where to go from here, or even if knowing where to go makes a difference in where I inevitably end up.

I  have a feeling 2009 is going to be an eventful year.